MINI-LIST: The Best Adaptations of "A Christmas Carol"

The holidays are all up in your grill and so it's time to whip out another Christmas themed list. This year let's talk about A Christmas Carol: Charles Dickens' story of redemption and enlightening holiday ghosts. It's a story you know like the back of your hand, it's been adapted hundreds of times, and it just wouldn't feel like a proper Christmas without enjoying this classic. So here are the most entertaining ones you should see.

5) A Christmas Carol (2009)

Who's the Scrooge this time? It's ol' rubberface himself, Jim Carrey. He even provides the performances for the three spirits who visit Ebenezer in the night. Talk about saving time on casting roles.
Doesn't this seem a lot like The Polar Express? Yes, it's another 3D motion capture Christmas themed movie directed by Robert Zemeckis where the main actor plays multiple roles.
And you enjoyed that? Yes, actually. Despite the generally unappealing 3D and CG motion capture filmmaking choices, this movie turned out to be quite good and was an entertaining theatre experience. It actually managed to feel new.
What's so special about this adaptation? It's one of the most thorough adaptations of the novel I can think of, and it didn't shy away from dark and grotesque elements in the story. It has scenes that would terrify young children. Corpses, creepy spirits, haunting visions of death and decay. Actually in 3D, it kind of freaked me out.
So does this mean you want Zemeckis to make more movies like this? Oh God, no. I really hope his mo-cap days are behind him because animation really needs to be left to the animators.

4) Scrooge (1951)

Who's the Scrooge this time? It's Alastair Sim, who I imagine didn't need a lot of work to look the part for this movie.
Who? Even though he was in dozens of films, you're not likely to know him from anything besides this movie. It was his biggest lead role, which he even revisited in 1971 to provide the voice of Ebenezer in an animated version.
What's so special about this adaptation? Being one of the earliest and best of the film adaptations, this version has been around long enough that everyone knows it. It's one of the versions that always seems to be on TV this time of year (In fact, as I write this on Christmas Eve, it has appeared on television twice already). It's a straightforward telling of the tale with no gimmicks, great performances all around, and continues to stand the test of time.
What if I can't handle watching movies in black and white? First of all, grow up. Second, there's a colourized version that looks pretty good.
Do you have a favourite scene? Yep, it's when Scrooge wakes on Christmas morning filled with the spirit of love and generosity, accosts his housekeeper on the stairs, all the while giggling and barely able to contain his excitement. Nothing spikes the adrenaline like a visit from the dead, and Alastair truly plays the part like a raving lunatic of joy. Then when he shows up at his nephew's home asking for forgiveness, you can't help but smile to see him welcomed with open arms and begin dancing with them.

3) Mickey's Christmas Carol (1983)

Who's the Scrooge this time? You're not going to believe it, but they used Scrooge to play Scrooge. I'm sure it was a tough decision with all the characters in the Disney pantheon to choose from, but after countless meetings and arguments they went with the most daring choice.
Wait ... wasn't the character "Scrooge McDuck" created for this adaptation? No, he was actually created way back in the 1940's for a comic book. So, like some snake devouring it's own tail, you have a fictional character being used to depict the fictional character that they were inspired by and named after. That would be like doing an animated version of Bram Stoker's Dracula for television and then using Count Chocula to be Dracula. It's fucking weird when you think about it.
What's so special about this adaptation? Well, it packs the entire story into a mere 26 minutes of animated excellence.
Only 26 minutes?! I know it felt longer as a kid, but that's the illusion of commercials for you. And yet it tells the story completely, with every important scene and character. Not a wasted frame.
Any favourite ghost? It's gotta be Goofy as Jacob Marley. I'm pretty sure Dickens intended for the tortured spirit that first confronts Ebenezer Scrooge to perform a little slapstick.

2) Scrooged (1988)

Who's the Scrooge this time? The always delightful Bill Murray plays Frank Cross, a selfish asshole and TV executive who hates Christmas, and everything else. Guess what happens.
Wait, so there's no Ebenezer? Nope. But Frank's journey is essentially the same and happens parallel to a classic production of A Christmas Carol that Frank's station is airing live on Christmas Eve.
What's so special about this adaptation? This is easily the most fantastic modern take on the Dickens' story. Taking place in 80's New York, all the components of the original are there but as wildly different forms. Instead of Bob Cratchit, you have Bobcat Goldthwait with a shotgun. Instead of the apparition of Jacob Marley, you have a rotting corpse hanging Frank out a skyscraper window. Instead of a grim reaper, you have a cloaked monster with a television for a face.
Which ghost was your favourite? Definitely the ghost of Christmas Present played by Carol Kane. She is such a cheery, abusive psycho. First thing she does upon meeting Frank is hover across the room and kick him in the nuts. He threatens to rip her goddamn wings off. And the scene where she uppercuts him in the face with a toaster? Priceless.
So does Frank learn the error of his ways, and welcome the generous spirit of Christmas into his heart? Of course! While always an entertaining journey along the way, the real magic of A Christmas Carol is watching Ebenezer being reborn as a new man on Christmas morning. I'm particularly fond of the ending for Scrooged because watching Bill Murray burst out of an elevator screaming, taking the live Christmas Carol performance hostage, and ranting wildly into the camera until he's in tears, is just great. I love how it feels like the ending was improvised, so it's like the actual movie you're watching is breaking down just as the show within the show is being derailed. If you haven't seen this movie, definitely check it out.

1) The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

Disney again? That's right, Disney again. Talk about a company that has an obsession with old men in nightgowns. I'm pretty sure they will release some version of A Christmas Carol once a decade until the sun explodes.

Who's the Scrooge this time? Our personal lord and saviour, Michael Caine. If you don't enjoy him in this role, then there is something wrong with you. You will believe in his performance as the cold-hearted Scrooge, fear for him in his darkest moments, and share in his joy at the dawn of a new day. And when he weeps at love lost, you will cry along with him. It's like gravity; you don't have a choice, so don't fight it.
What's so special about this adaptation? Besides the obvious addition of Muppets, this Christmas Carol is a musical. A damn good one, too. The songs are memorable and serve the story well. This should come as no surprise since they were written by Paul Williams, who wrote songs like "Rainbow Connection"? Plus, having Gonzo and Rizzo narrating the story and getting caught up in the adventure is entertaining stuff.
Sounds good, but what about Tiny Tim? How tiny is he in this version?  The tiniest you're likely to ever see. By using Robin the Frog, the audience will feel extra sympathy because he's tiny, sick, poor, AND a frog. Talk about having the deck stacked against you. What's next? Having Tiny Tim fall into a fire when his crutch breaks, just as he's announcing he donated his last good sock to a crippled mouse?
It all sounds interesting, but why is this the best? It takes a lot of talent and creativity to use puppets alongside real actors and make the audience care about them, especially when you're building upon source material so famous. This movie blends music, humour, beautifully designed sets and sequences, charming characters, and never loses sight of the important messages in Dickens' wonderful story. All the highs and lows are there, and the muppets fit in perfectly along the way. If you can only choose one adaptation to watch this Christmas, you really can't go wrong with this one.

Brutal Movie Deaths

I don't think anyone can argue that death is a huge part of film. War films, horror films, action movies, and tragic love stories have all been built on a foundation of corpses. Inspired by Cole's list of memorable movie deaths, I wanted to put together a list of other memorable scenes, but focus on the ones that make you go, "Holy hell, that was rough!"

The only conditions for my choices were that they have to be memorable, shocking and/or brutal deaths, and that horror films are disqualified (sorry, Halloween) since that's exactly what scary movies are going for. Instead let's look at the deaths that were burned into your memory as you watched in disbelief. There will be spoilers.

5) Bottle Boy - Pan's Labyrinth (2006)

Pan's Labyrinth is a beautifully filmed dark fantasy filled with gloom, freakish creatures, and oodles of despair. Early on the film lets you know just how grim things are going to get when the ruthless Captain Vidal questions an apprehended farmer and son suspected of being rebels. The two men claim they are simply out hunting rabbits and when the son insists they are innocent, it causes something to snap in Vidal.

Using a bottle, Vidal proceeds to strike the farm boy in the face over and over until it has completely caved in. To cap off his savage attack, the Captain shoots the weeping father in cold blood, then becomes annoyed when it's revealed moments later that they were telling the truth.

The scene left me aghast seeing how vicious the villain could be. Turns out .... extremely vicious. The film has a number of shocking violent moments throughout, but special mention must go to "the bottle scene" for letting the audience know - with horrific clarity - that this fantasy film means business.

4) One Grave For Two Brothers - Casino (1995)

When Scorsese directs Joe Pesci the role will usually follow this pattern: Pesci plays an aggressive, short-tempered asshole for most of the film and then dies an awful, awful death. Casino is no exception.

Even though the film had established violent mob deeds throughout (head in a vice, anyone?), I was still alarmed at Nicky's demise. He and his brother Dominick are taken out to a cornfield somewhere, beaten nearly to death with baseball bats, stripped down to their underwear and buried alive. The lesson here is that you can only be a cocky prick for so long before the guys in charge will make an example of you.

There is something very raw and relentless about this scene. Maybe it's the way Nicky is forced to watch his brother get clubbed to a bloody pulp until he sobs for them to stop. Maybe it's the sloppy way they are dumped into a shallow grave and you see the dirt covering Nicky as he gasps for air. Whatever the reason, the scene creates pity for a character that for most of the film deserved no pity. The audience can easily anticipate where a character like this will end up, but still be surprised by the details. I wanted him dead, too ... just not that dead.

3) Upham Fails Mellish - Saving Private Ryan (1998)

In a movie filled with horrific moments of violence, and graphic combat, the death of Private Mellish still stands out. Images burn deep into the viewer's mind: the knife slowly sinking into Stanley's chest, the drops of sweat dripping off the German soldiers chin, Upham weeping in the stairwell draped in ammunition. It all adds up to a very unpleasant, yet memorable movie death.

Some see this scene as an allegory for the war itself and the late involvement of the United States responding to the horrors Germany inflicted on the Jewish people. That comparison makes sense we see a German character murder a Jewish character while an American character fails to intervene. Later the American kills the German soldier responsible, but it is a hollow victory. The damage is already done.

A scene like this really tortures the audience in two ways: the physical brutality of the kill itself, and the agonizing helpless feeling it drapes over you like a blanket of shit. I've seen the movie several times and this scene is always hard to get through. A part of me thinks that maybe it'll turn out differently this time, that maybe Upham will find the courage to get up those stairs and save Mellish. Alas, it never happens. All you can do is sit there grimacing through it, filled with equal parts sadness and anger.

2) Curb Your Racism - American History X (1998)

Okay, do I even need to explain this one? This death is just horrible on so many levels, and the first time I witnessed it, my brain could barely compute what had happened. Now when I recall the moment where we see teeth making contact with cement, I can't help but cringe or do a full-body shudder.

The build of tension and intensity up to that moment is almost unbearable, and the reaction we see in Danny adequately mimics the viewers' feelings: first a desperate desire for Derek to see reason, panic, and finally stunned beyond measure. As Danny crumples to the ground you can't help but feel the same way... that hate has triumphed and everything feels hopeless.

1) Murphy's First Day - Robocop (1987)

You know that whole movie cliche where a cop will get killed just a few days away from retirement? Well, this movie didn't have the patience for it, instead opting to savagely destroy our cop on day fucking one.

Okay, it wasn't his first day as a cop, but when we first meet Officer Alex Murphy in the abysmal world of "future Detroit" he's been moved to a new precinct, is teamed up with a new partner, and shit gets serious real fast on their first patrol. From everything we see in the opening of the film, Murphy seems like a good guy. He's friendly, professional, has a sense of humour, is a loving husband and father. You certainly don't want to see him get executed in some abandoned steel mill.

When Murphy gets shot up by bad guys, he doesn't just get shot ... he gets blown to goddamn pieces! There were few other more scarring movie moments in my childhood than watching this nice guy get torn asunder by gunfire, screaming bloody murder the whole time. And when a thousand shotgun blasts to the torso wasn't enough to seal the deal, they pop one more round in his skull. Following that is several minutes of disorienting footage of the mangled remains of our hero being rushed to hospital, frantically worked on, then declared dead.

I realized later in life that I watched this movie at far too young an age. Everything about it is horrifying: limbs being blown off, the cruel laughter, geysers of blood erupting everywhere as Murphy is obliterated by this criminal shooting squad. Looking back it felt like the scene was 10 minutes of pure agony and horror. In reality, the whole affair took about a minute. Fun fact! Director Paul Verhoeven had to reduce the gore in scenes like this one to appease the ratings board while making the film's final cut. Meaning ... yeah, what we saw was the shorter, tamed-down version. Let that sink in.

With a reboot of the franchise right around the corner, I already have strong doubts that it can live up to the brutal slaughter unleashed in '87. Those are big, bloody shoes to fill.

Best Spider-Man Artists

Just like my list of Batman artists, we're dealing with an extremely popular and iconic character who has been around for a pretty long time (although not as long as the Caped Crusader) and has been drawn by a multitude of talented artists.

This list was actually a little easier for me to do. I'm not sure if it's because Spidey has perhaps evolved slightly less visually or not. Whatever the case, I don't feel the need to make honourable mentions as I did last time around. At least not to devote too much space to them anyway. We'll see how it goes.

5. Stefano Caselli
I promise you I didn't make this pick simply because I felt obligated to include a more current artist (he's had pencilling duties on Amazing Spider-Man since 2011 and has also drawn him in various cameos in a few recent Avengers titles). Caselli gets the nod because I believe he's the first artist in some time to come along and really bring a fresh style to Spidey's look that I also find appealing. While I'm satisfied with the look a guy like Bryan Hitch or Stuart Immonen gives the character, it's just not different enough to really stand out.

I feel like Caselli's take pays a bit more attention to real anatomy and how it affects the costume and gives us a somewhat more realistic-looking hero but without losing any of the dynamic boldness that makes him so visually appealing. That can't be any easy thing to do (it certainly wasn't easy for me express in one sentence). He's also on occasion drawn the costume with smaller eyes than I'd normally accept and yet, he makes it work. As usual, I'm kind of at a loss to explain just how this effect is accomplished. All I know is that Caselli's Spider-Man is always pleasing and exciting to look at and even presents our hero as a bit more vulnerable than we're used to seeing him.



4. Gil Kane

A lot of people credit John Romita Sr. with being the first artist to break away from original artist Steve Ditko's style and successfully reinvent Spidey's look. I have no argument with that claim. Although even Romita himself admits that for the first few months all he really did was try to mimic Ditko's style because he was convinced there was no way he (Ditko) would just walk away from such a popular title. He was sure that Ditko would be returning soon and felt that it was best to just try to draw the way he did. Eventually he realized that the job was his and put his own mark on Spidey. And it was great. I'm sure he'd be on most people's lists.

But I'm gonna have to go with Gil Kane, Romita's own Spider-Man successor. Because to me, it just seems like Kane, having done a lot of work for DC in the sixties (he took over Amazing in 1971, I think), really brought a style that wasn't present in any Marvel book at the time. He also seemed to be the first artist to fully understand Spidey's capability for movement and how to represent that on the page. Now it's possible this is at least in part due to writer Gerry Conway's scripts, but I guess I'll never know. What's important was that after stellar work by both Ditko and Romita in defining the character's look, Kane really drew him to a fuller potential. He no longer looked stiff or awkward when he was swinging on a web line or hanging from a ceiling.

Again, we're dealing in personal opinion here so I can't just state that Ditko and Romita's Spider-Man DID look awkward in some movements or poses, but at least to me, that was the case. But Kane was the first artist to maybe really understand the character from a visual standpoint and how he should move.




3. John Romita Jr.
So now I have to somehow make the argument that the son's contribution to Spidey's visual legacy is more significant than the father's. Or, I guess I could just sidestep that by once again mentioning this list is primarily based on my own tastes. I think I'll go with that option.

Romita actually first drew Spider-Man in the early eighties, not at all that long after his dad. And while his work there was good, it really doesn't factor into my decision to include him on this list. Because at that point I don't believe he'd really found himself as an artist; he was still developing. I think it was in his work on Daredevil in the late eighties going into the nineties that he came into his own. If I were to compile a list of best Daredevil artists, he certainly would have a place there.

While I think his real strength was drawing street-level heroes like Daredevil set in urban landscapes, Romita proved to be one of Marvel's most versatile artists and he drew a ton of different characters in a ton of different titles throughout the nineties. He was their Mr. Reliable for sure. Whether you needed someone to draw Thor, Cable, even Hulk, he could pull it off. But it was his return to the character who had helped define his father's career where I believe he's done his very best work (although the Daredevil stuff is close).

 In 1996 he began penciling Peter Parker: Spider-Man. It was a period of turmoil for the character; the infamous Clone Saga, which had begun two years prior, was STILL going on. So Romita found himself drawing Ben Reilly as Spider-Man for awhile, (as well as as the Scarlet Spider before that) with a new costume designed by Dan Jurgens, who was doing the art and writing for the brand new Sensational Spider-Man featuring Reilly. For the then very important limited series, Spider-Man: The Lost Years, it was considered significant that he was the one doing the art. If people were going to accept this whole "new Spider-Man" thing (something Marvel eventually realized they wouldn't, and took steps to correct), then having a great artist like Romita was key.

We've talked a lot without getting into Romita's own drawing style and what he brought to the character. Well, on his initial work back in the eighties, I don't think there was really anything that distinct about it. His Spider-Man looked very much like an homage to the Spider-Man of artists like his father and Kane. But in the late eighties, Spidey would undergo a rather dynamic visual change that we'll get into in detail as we climb to the top of this list, and it would be impossible to believe that this did not influence his later work to at least some degree.

What I can tell you is that Romita Jr. might be the artist who has so far found the most iconic look for Spider-Man. When I was discussing Batman, in the entry on Neal Adams I mentioned that it looked almost as if he had discovered and given us Batman's true form, that is, his most authentic visual archetype. I feel that it's a similar case with Romita's Spidey - everything just looks right, somehow. So if that's the case, how is he not the number one entry on this list? Well, I guess I'd have to say that perhaps if there is a flaw to his Spider-Man, it's that it's just a little too...safe. Given Spider-Man's unique look and potential for unique movement, Romita's Spidey does not take quite full advantage of the visual possibilities.



2. Mark Bagley
In 1983, by the age of twenty-seven, the ultra-talented Bagley was working for Lockheed Martin in Georgia, and had mostly given up on his dream to be a comic book artist, having so far failed to break into the industry. But fate found a way. In true Marvel fashion, a Marvel Try-Out Book was created. It was a deconstructed comic book that aspiring artists could complete then turn in. The artist with the best entry would be given a Marvel assignment and a shot to stick with the company. Bagley beat out thousands of other submissions to win the contest.


He got to draw some of the lower profile assignments, including trading cards and backup stories for the rest of the decade. In 1990 he transitioned to full-time artist, drawing the first twenty-five issues of the brand new title New Warriors. During some of the editorial shuffling at Marvel, New Warriors editor Danny Fingeroth became responsible for the Spider-Man books. He placed his faith in Bagley's ability and made him artist for the flagship: Amazing Spider-Man. His faith was well-placed: Bagley would go on to become perhaps the most iconic and definitive Spider-Man artist of the nineties.

In 2000, with the launching of the new Ultimate Marvel line, Bagley was this time the obvious choice to be the artist for that line's own flagship title, Ultimate Spider-Man. He and writer Brian Bendis would break the record for longest run by the same creative team on a title, previously held by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, established on their run on Fantastic Four back in the early sixties. Bagley did the art without interruption for the first 111 issues.

Bagley's Spidey screams dynamic. Perhaps more than any other artist's depiction, the sense of fluid movement is beautifully conveyed. Perhaps not since Ditko himself had anyone drawn Spider-Man as quite so wirey. He was still a muscular figure but clearly a lot leaner than most Marvel heroes. In Ultimate this was even more apparent since Spider-Man is fifteen years old and maybe three inches or so shorter than his adult 616 counterpart. And those large, exaggerated eyes on the costume he includes are just essential to me.

For quite some time I strongly considered giving Bagley the top spot on this list. He brings everything that Romita Jr. brings but perhaps with a slightly better grasp of Spidey's anatomy and style of movement. And when I say slightly, I mean very slightly. But I can't help but think that Bagley's Spider-Man wouldn't have been quite everything it was without the previous contributions of a certain artist, who resides at the top of this list.



1. Todd McFarlane
When you see McFarlane's name, it conjures up a lot. Few people in the comic book industry have been as successful as he's been and that's due to a lot of factors. He's proven himself to be very shrewd in matters of business and smart about applying his skills to different mediums. Perhaps he's best known for his involvement in the founding of Image Comics or perhaps his extremely popular toy lines. But what I'll always consider his greatest contribution to comics to be is his work on Spider-Man, specifically, the way he drew the character.

In my top three of McFarlane, Bagley and Romita Jr., I feel that their respective styles overlap and intermingle. I'm not sure exactly where it begins. But I am certain that when McFarlane started drawing Amazing Spider-Man in 1988, he redefined how the character should look.

Firstly, like Bagley after him, McFarlane gave us a Spider-Man that was muscular but still lean and wirey. This was emphasized by his understanding of Spidey's movements. His panels featured our hero bending and contorting his body in odd, almost inhuman fashion. This stands to reason since Spider-Man possess a level of flexibility and agility that goes far beyond the capability of ordinary humans. McFarlane took full advantage of that and the results were awesome. As far as the costume went, it seemed to fit better than ever. And then of course there were the eyes - no one before McFarlane had ever drawn Spidey with such large eyes. It's become so imitated that it's almost unthinkable for any artists since to not follow suit in that department. It's something I always have to include in my own visual idea of Spider-Man.

But McFarlane also innovated another aspect of Spider-Man that had remained virtually unchanged since his first appearance: his webbing. Gone were the thin, dark, almost black strands that used to emit from Spidey's wrists - McFarlane replaced them with much thicker stuff of a lighter colour. It was ropey and chaotic-looking. Now it really resembled real webs adjusted to human size.

Clearly I'm not the only person to think McFarlane's Spider-Man was awesome. His work on Amazing catapulted him into comic book superstardom and his talent soon was high in demand. He was given his own new Spider-Man (simply Spider-Man) title to write himself as well as draw. While not a particularly compelling series beyond its art, it sold like mad.

The rest is history and really has no place in this list. His initial departure from Marvel was of course far from friendly and he subsequently became so successful with Image, McFarlane Entertainment and other creative and business ventures that he's never really had cause to go back. Outside a single Spider-Man holiday special released in 2004, he hasn't drawn the character in any official capacity since 1991.

But his contribution to the character from a visual standpoint really can't be overstated. And while I know there are plenty of people who claim he was highly overrated as a Marvel and Spider-Man artist, I just can't agree. I've had quite a few years to think about how I feel about his Spider-Man and a plethora of artists to compare him to. And as much as I love Bagley's depiction of the character, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be quite what it is without McFarlane's influence.

Best femme fatales

The femme fatale; a staple of fiction and storytelling dating back to pretty much the beginning. As long as there have been brave, powerful men there have been women who have been capable of taking them down using cunning, guts and smoldering sexuality. They can be found in nearly every corner of literature there is: ancient Greek myth, the works of Shakespeare, even the Bible. History is also littered with the deeds of actual women who fit the trope.

Some are outright villains, using their unique skillset to corrupt good men, start wars and frame others for their deeds. The other kind is a little more ambiguous. They may appear to be evil, or at the very least self-serving, but at the core of it all, they're actually on the side of good, even if their methods are questionable.

This list includes examples of both types, with points being awarded for ambition, deviousness, sexual potency and overall style.

5. Clytemnestra
The daughter of Spartan royalty and half-sister (depending on how you look at it) of the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, Helen, Clytemnestra may not have gotten all the beauty genes but she definitely got all the crazy. But maybe that's not being fair as the event that truly kicked off all her ruthless behaviour was the sacrifice of her daughter, Iphegenia. Said daughter was sacrificed in order to attain the needed winds to get the Greek fleet moving after declaring war on Troy. If you know your Greek myths, then you know this was a result of Paris stealing Helen away with him. Her husband, Menelaus, turned to his brother, Agamemnon, to command the Greek army to get her back. After having no luck with the winds to get the ships on their way, Agamemnon sacrificed his own daughter, thus pissing off his wife quite a bit. Get all that? Good.

The Trojan War lasted ten years and then the journey back to Greece took some time as well. During this time Clytemnestra conducted an affair with Agamemnon's cousin, Aegisthus, while she plotted her husband's demise. Apparently she hated him even before the sacrifice of Iphegenia as he had murdered her first husband and forced her into marrying him. So Agamemnon finally comes back from Troy, with hot little Cassandra in tow as his concubine and Clytemnestra makes her move and stabs him to death in the bath.

This left Aegisthus as the new king with Clyemnesta as queen. They ruled happily for awhile but eventually she's murdered by one of her own sons in a power move. Like mother, like son.

4. Phyllis Dietrichson
The realm of film noir is filled to the brim with femme fatales - they're a major staple of the genre. So picking just one was terribly difficult. But I think I made the right choice here.

The introduction of Phyllis Dietrichson in the 1944 classic Double Idemnity remains an extremely memorable scene in American cinema. It has most of the hallmarks of a film noir scene - the shadows of drawn shades are visible in the dim lighting, and a seemingly innocent conversation plants the seeds for not only an intense attraction but also a diabolical plot. She appears calm and cool and doesn't do or say anything overtly flirtacious and yet Neff is certainly left with a firm impression.

Phyllis's motives soon become clear and her seduction, both through the lure of money and her own sexuality, escalates. At first Neff wants no part in a murder plot but very quickly he succumbs. Shortly thereafter a formerly good man has become a murderer. Once the victim's daughter becomes a potential problem, Phyllis displays no qualms about knocking her off as well. She's proven herself to be quite the ruthless character. In fact, it's strongly implied that she had murdered her husband's first wife - and the girl's (Lola) mother - to get to where she is. But wait! There's more!

It turns out Phyllis has also been using her feminine wiles on the girl's own boyfriend and is still involved with him at the time of her partnership with Neff. It's only once he finds out this detail that Neff finally realizes just what a monster the woman he's become involved with is. Once confronted, she promptly lies (presumably) and when this doesn't work, shoots Neff. It's not a fatal wound and Neff comes on and manages to get the gun away from her. She insists her love for him is genuine, citing her inability to fire again as proof. But at this point Neff isn't buying it and he shoots her twice, killing her. But the damage is done. Neff will soon bleed out, an innocent man is dead and a girl has now lost both her parents. All because of one lousy dame's greed.

3. Morgan le Fay
Cunning sorceress of the Arthurian Legend, Morgan le Fay is a femme fatale of the Middle Ages whose legacy of villainy and manipulation is still well-known today, if through differing accounts.

In most versions of her story, le Fay is said to be the half-sister of Arthur as they share the same mother. But as to her personality and motives, that seems to vary somewhat depending on what you read.  Some of the earliest stuff portrays her as an ally to Arthur, who uses her powers to be a great healer. It's in the French Lancelot-Grail that her character becomes much more complex and interesting. Here she's an antagonist of Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table and uses her magic and powers of manipulation to defeat them. In Thomas Malory's famed le Morte d'Arthur it's actually she who throws Excalibur's special scabbard into the lake after a failed attempt to steal the legendary blade.

She also figures prominently in tales of Charlemagne as an enchantress and seductress, sometimes aiding the heroes by testing them and others opposing them more directly.

Her name and many of her character traits have endured over the centuries and she's been used again and again in various works of fiction including the Marvel and DC universes, many movies based on the Arthur Legend and even the anime Ah! My Goddess. Throughout it all she's remained a femme fatale of the highest order.

2. Ada Wong
The only special operative I'm aware of who likes to go on missions in a slinky party dress, Ada Wong might be mistaken for an antiheroine as opposed to femme fatale, if not for the fact that she drips sexuality.

She first appears in Resident Evil 2 in Leon's scenario and it quickly becomes apparent that there's more to her than she's letting on. But if you're a gamer who pays attention you'll know that she is actually mentioned in the first Resident Evil (set in 1998), in a letter written by a dying Umbrella researcher named John. She'd used her considerable feminine charms to convince John to try to steal secrets from his employers. Ada requires information to pass on to her own employers - referred to only as "The Organization". He is among the infected during the first T-Virus outbreak in the Spencer Mansion in the Arclay Mountains outside Raccoon City and in his letter, pleads Ada to destroy the mansion and expose Umbrella's actions to the public. Unfortunately, the letter never reaches her.

Months later, during the outbreak in Raccoon City, Ada is sent by the same unnamed organization to try to steal a sample of the new G Virus from the secret Umbrella lab beneath the city amongst the chaos. It is here that we first see her, confronting her as Leon. Her story is that she's looking for her boyfriend, "John", whom she claims is a journalist. Her agenda is eventually exposed but she still displays heroism by saving Leon, which in turn, helps him rescue Claire Redfield and Sherry Birkin.

Spinoff titles give us a little more info on what she was doing during RE2 and she next plays a major role in Resident Evil 4 (taking place in 2004), once again working against the game's main antagonists (this time Saddler and the Los Illuminados cult) but with goals separate from, and sometimes counter to, Leon's. Once again she proves helpful but still self-serving. Her flirting with Leon is really amped up this time around and her skills as an operative are on full display, particularly when you play her scenario. Despite working against Wesker (her new employer) by helping Leon kill fellow operative Krauser, she still delivers the goods in the end - the Las Plagas sample. HOWEVER, if you check out "Ada's Report" you discover she was playing Wesker as well, giving him the lesser sample, and keeping the dominant one for herself.

In Resident Evil 6, Ada is still sexy and dangerous in 2013 and I think her actions there cement her status as a crazy awesome femme fatale. You never really know what side she's on besides her own but she's still benevolent enough to risk her neck to help others if the situation calls for it. Antiheroine she may be, but if you really don't think she's also a femme fatale, maybe you should give that sultry voice another listen.

1. Catwoman
If Ada's routine of frequently working for shadowy employers, doublecrossing them, making a point of saying she's only out for herself but still going out of her way to sometimes help others, constantly flirting with the male hero while at the same time baffling and even hampering him, all the while going about it in a confident and sexy way seems familiar, it's because she stole it from Catwoman.

As I said in the intro, femme fatales have been around about as long as human beings have been on this planet but it was Selina Kyle who finally perfected the art. First appearing way back in Batman #1 (note: this is not Batman and Robin's first appearance, as comic book sages like myself know - that would be Detective Comics #27) in the spring of 1940, she's been a major part of the Dark Knight's mythos ever since although she actually disappeared from all Bat books between 1954 and 1966 - most likely because her moral ambiguity paired with her overt sexuality would have made her a prime target for the Comics Code introduced in the mid fifties. This was easily a low point in Batman's publishing history, as well as many other comic characters, both major and minor. Most stories were lighthearted and goofy fare, moving away from Batman's dark roots and it's not at all surprising in retrospect to note that Catwoman wasn't present for any of it.

Anyway, once Batman returned to his roots and the comics started getting good again, everyone's favourite cat burglar-turned-sometimes-crimefighter really began to shine. She's become such an enduring symbol of a femme fatale that most people who haven't even read any comics know that Catwoman is a bad, bad girl. But still good.

Like Ada, she makes for a pretty good antiheroine, always playing it cool and letting others know that she plays by her own rules and will only risk her neck if she sees some profit in it - although at times we've seen she can be heroic just for the sake of doing the right thing (but she'll never admit to it).

From the sexy costume to her endless flirtation with Gotham's staunch defender (she's about the only character who can really throw him off his game - quite a feat when you consider the types of characters he often deals with) to her overall badassness, Catwoman is the femme fatale that all others should look up to.

Awesome Fictional Brands

5) Blammo
As seen on the incomparable Ren and Stimpy Show, Blammo was the brand behind the greatest children's toy of all time ... LOG! An obvious parody of one-note toys like a Slinky, Blammo's toy also requires ample imagination to enjoy, and the catchy jingle was quick to inform us of all the ways it could be fun. You can remember every word of that song and you know it. Don't lie to me, goddammit.

Later episodes had commercials for slight variations of Log, like dress up versions similar to a Mr. Potato Head. But the original unadorned Log remains a classic fake commercial for a fake product from a fake brand, and a tribute to the simple toys of days gone by.

4) Spishak
Following the lead of Saturday Night Live, the variety comedy show Mad TV would often include fake commercials between skits. Unlike SNL, however, the products in these commercials were often from the same preposterous company.

The ads usually followed one of two patterns: A) a compilation of product demonstrations that got progressively more ridiculous, or B) a Spishak spokesman suddenly appearing in someone's home to advertise the product in a mini-infomercial. What sort of products? Well, anything from a combination knife-spoon-fork, to a toy oven for kids that requires the child to disconnect the gas line from their real oven to use. Each item was a hazardous, nonsensical, defective mess.

3) Red Apple Cigarettes
Occasionally a director will tie together their body of work with reccurring characters, locations, or brands even when the plots and styles of their movies are vastly different (eg. Kevin Smith). Red Apple Cigarettes represent a key connective tissue for the filmography of Quentin Tarantino as they appear in nearly every movie he's directed or co-written.

Sometimes the cigarettes will be smoked by a character, or other times appear as an ad in passing. Most recently in Django Unchained it can be spotted as a pouch of Red Apple Tobacco. These fake cigarettes are great because they are one of the many ways that Tarantino has pulled his movies together into the same crazy universe, and at this point finding the Red Apple has become a hidden gem for movie fans to discover.


2) Krusty Brand
While the Simpsons' universe has many memorable brands like Duff Beer, the greatest line-up of products come from the world's biggest shill: Krusty the Clown. He is the iconic face of a gigantic empire of TV shows, fast food restaurants, amusement parks, and an endless array of shoddy household products.

Every bit of merchandise stamped with the "Krusty Seal of Approval" is poorly thought out, cheaply made, and often dangerous. Krusty Brand is wonderful satirical take on the corporate greed we see all the time when celebrities slap their name or likeness on all manner of pointless shit. So when a cross between Bozo the Clown and Ronald McDonald is selling home pregnancy kits, frosted cereals, personal swabs, imitation gruel, handguns, cough syrup, cigars, and facial hair trimmers it's equal parts familiar and hilarious.

1) Acme
The Acme Corporation is a huge supplier of crazy bullshit in the Looney Tunes universe, and while the word "acme" comes from the Greek word for "zenith" or "prime", the products bearing that name are often lacking quality. What do they sell? A better question is what the hell don't they sell? Explosives, anvils, rockets, giant slingshots, giant magnets, escape kits, earthquake pills, the list goes on forever. The majority of their profit comes from Wile E. Coyote no matter how often their products fail miserably. You have to assume the prices must be amazing since he keeps placing orders for anti-gravity boots and fake tunnel paint instead of buying ... you know... food.

In fact Acme as a generic brand has been appearing in all manner of television shows, comics, movies, and cartoons for more than 90 years. You can find the familiar name in silent films of the 20's, episodes of I Love Lucy, and - my personal favorite - the film Who Framed Roger Rabbit with the epic showdown at the Acme Warehouse. As a child that warehouse overwhelmed my imagination with possibilities, and to this day I still want to see more of the gadgets and weapons scattered around the place.

The name Acme represents more than just an insatiable desire for Roadrunner meat, it represents generations of wild ideas and preposterous products. Whenever you needed a ridiculous prop, weapon, or device for your character to get their hands on, it was easily explained away by the good ol' Acme Corp. Who on earth would produce a jet-powered pogo stick and over-night ship it to the middle of the desert?

Acme, of course.

Shane's Favourite Movies of 2012

It's that time of year again. Time to look back and relive some favourite cinematic experiences of the year. Sadly, I'm still frantically trying to catch up on all the films I wanted to see from 2012.

I dropped the annual "Most Hated Movies of the Year" list a while back, but I'll quickly mention that Project X was the shittiest movie I saw in 2012. Here's your trophy, Project X, for being annoying, frustrating, and devoid of entertainment or value. Aside from that I felt it was a strong year of films and I struggled making a final decision on the top 5. Here we go...

5) Skyfall
Absolutely one of my favourite Bond films ever. Great pacing, solid action, and f'ing gorgeous cinematography. In fact, it might be the best looking film of 2012 for its beautiful shots.

Judi Dench and Javier Bardem are both really enjoyable to watch, and for people who think there was too much M in the movie ... you're crazy. Plus Bardem was a sufficiently creepy villain, who felt truly menacing. It was refreshing to see a Bond film where I actually felt tense. Daniel Craig is not the perfect Bond we've seen in the past, important characters can be in danger, and actions actually have meaningful consequences. I much prefer that over 007 outracing space lasers and whatnot.






4) The Dark Knight Rises

First of all, The Dark Knight Rises doesn't reach the same level as the films before it. How could it really? Batman Begins was like a comic book dream come to life, and The Dark Knight broke through the comic movie shell and was an astounding film in practically every way.

Anne Hathaway was wonderful as Catwoman, and it was great to see Bane living up to his imposing reputation (though I don't know if I'm sold on that voice yet, as memorable as it was). Like the previous film, TDKR felt like it was compacting two films worth of story into one, but I have to say that it didn't work as well this time around. At times the story felt disjointed and the editing made the film feel like a montage rather than a natural flow from one scene to the next. However, the chaos and destruction that Gotham suffers was exciting, and watching Batman take back the city is enough to give me goosebumps.

The biggest praise I can give TDKR is that it wraps up the trilogy in the most satisfying way possible. I may have had some problems with the film, but believe me when I say that I love it. Even the worst Nolan Batman film is leagues ahead of the previous Batman franchise. I suppose I'm just greedy, but maybe some disappointment came from knowing the ride is over.

3) Moonrise Kingdom
In a world where kids are mature, and adults are childish, a strange love story plays out in the wilderness as two troubled kids run away together. I would describe this movie as an adorable comedy. It's got everything you'd want from a Wes Anderson film; the bright vibrant design, quirky and flawed characters, an almost mathematical approach to cinematography and camera movement, and a completely charming atmosphere.

I wish the third act was as strong as the rest of the film, but aside from that it's a great movie. The kind that I can see myself watching numerous times in the future. Even if you don't consider yourself a Wes Anderson fan, I would give Moonrise Kingdom a shot. It's funny and charming enough to appeal to everyone.

2) Django Unchained
My immediate reaction to Django was, that wasn't quite what I expected, and I thought at first that I was disappointed. But the more I thought about it, the more I loved it. The characters and story are compelling, there's a wonderful mix of comedy, drama, and action. As you would expect it pays homage to spaghetti westerns, but there are some seriously amazing performances here, with DiCaprio standing out for his intense portrayal of plantation owner, Calvin Candie.

The movie is always teetering between charming Southern hospitality and vicious bloodlust. Like a lot of Tarantino's films, there are long scenes of suspense that erupt in a climax of exaggerated violence. It's simply spectacular. In this world every human is a pressurized canister of blood ready to burst at any moment. It was a lot of fun, and I can't wait to watch it again.

1) The Avengers

Easily the most fun I've had at the cinema last year. I saw all the individual superhero films that lead up to this collaboration, and when I finally got to see Avengers assemble ... it was a spectacle that filled me with genuine glee. I haven't been this delighted by superheroes fighting side by side since The Incredibles. Don't get me wrong, I love the current Batman trilogy, but Nolan's Batman is an entirely different beast from the Marvel movies. They are both wonderful for different reasons. You could compare them as "gritty comic realism" and "flashy comic fantasy".

The movie is strongly written with excellent pacing and truly hilarious moments. There's a fine balance between the comic titans, giving them all ample opportunity to enjoy the spotlight. Characters that I expected to be lesser "filler" heroes managed to win me over by the end. It was refreshing to see each character shine, work together creatively, and behave in ways that seem true to their personality. Plus, I goddamn love the Hulk in this movie. It only took three tries, but they finally nailed it.

All in all, Avengers did everything I hoped for. Many other films in 2012 left me with nagging issues, but The Avengers got right to the point and delivered a great action hero experience. The only thing that bummed me out was knowing I'll have to wait for the next team-up.