Best Comedy Christmas Songs

Sure, Christmas songs get us in the holiday spirit, but Comedy Christmas songs achieve the same thing while entertaining us on another level. For that reason, I decided to compile this list. May you be filled with yuletide laughter.

5. 12 Days of Christmas - Foster Brooks

For nearly 50 years the irreplaceable Foster Brooks entertained the world, and made his mark in comedy with his hilarious lovable drunk persona. If you're not familiar with Mr. Brooks, I would recommend a quick youtube search and you'll be laughing all day. Though he was mostly known for his various television appearances, his take on this classic Christmas carol is pure genius. It starts a little slow, but as Foster becomes more and more hammered with each verse, there's no denying that he was a master at his own unique craft. It continues to leave me in stitches each time I listen. Merry Christmas, Foster Brooks, you're the drunken relative we all wish we had.

4. Chiron Beta Prime - Jonathan Coulton

Jonathan is an artist I've only recently gotten into in recent years, but he is quickly climbing the list of my favourite songwriters. He usually writes songs that focus on science fiction, technology, and other nerdy subjects mixed with various genres. Personally, the more I listen to him, the more I feel like he's been inspired by the likes of Weird Al and Ben Folds. If you're still unsure if you'd like his music, he did write the song "Still Alive" that appeared at the end of the amazing video game, Portal.

So anyway, this Christmas song is written like a Christmas card from a family enslaved by robots on a mining asteroid. It's hilarious and mad catchy.

3. Christmastime - The Arrogant Worms

One of the first songs I ever heard by the Worms, I remember distinctly listening to it on CBC radio around Christmas. These guys are no stranger to writing funny holiday songs, they even have a Christmas album in their sizable discography. Still with so many to choose from, this one stands out for it's energetic chorus and the delivery of lines like "Hey Mr. Santa Claus, I believe in you because, you've got more credibility that any doctor, cop, or lawyer!"

Unfortunately I couldn't find the song in any video to embed here (which may be a part of the internet's effort to keep us Canadians down), so I'm going to make you do extra work and listen to it on their website. Click the play button for holiday cheer!

2. The Night Santa Went Crazy - "Weird Al" Yankovic

I didn't want two songs by the same artist on the list, but I seriously considered Weird Al's other festive gem, "Christmas at Ground Zero" for its clever lyrics before finally choosing his other dark Christmas song. While it does make me feel old knowing the song is 15 years old already, I'll never forget listening to it for the first time and being shocked by its violent lyrics and then laughing my head off over the destruction of the North Pole and the gruesome demise of most of Santa's reindeer.

Please enjoy the extra gory version of the song posted below. I think you'll agree that nothing says Christmas like rocking out to Santa turning mad. I think you can also agree the story it tells would make one hell of a movie.

1. There Are Much Worse Things - Stephen Colbert and Elvis Costello

Colbert's 2008 TV special, "A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All" was a impressive bit of holiday fun filled to the brim with funny and well-written Christmas songs. I've since watched and listened to the songs dozens of times, but it's the final tune of the special that sticks with me the most. You may click and listen to it here.

The more I listen to the song, the more I appreciate all the different things it has to say. It begins by addressing the state of Christmas; how it's become the "cheesy crass commercial travesty" we know today that seems to be devoid of any religious significance. It then pokes fun at the importance we put on Christmas, as if it will solve all our problems at the end of the year and we will find "the answer to all sorrows in a box beneath the tree".

From there Stephen and Elvis sing of faith, cynicism, knowledge, and hopeful optimism. For me the song captures so many different feelings about the holidays and life that I feel you could easily write whole essays about it. And yes, while it may not be laugh out loud hilarious, it still is at heart a comedy song. It's sincere and beautiful, and as someone who celebrates Christmas without having any interest in going to church or being religious, it feels especially meaningful to that modern mentality. You may believe in everything, nothing, or things that are empty to others, but if it makes you happy then maybe that's all that matters, because ... after all, there are much worse things.

Merry Christmas.

The Masters of Voice in Stand Up Comedy

I'd like to think that I know as much about stand up comedy as Cole knows about hockey. Since I can't contribute with a sports list, here we go with great stand up comedians who perform vocal gymnastics, whether it's by singing, doing impressions, or throwing their voice.

5. Kevin Pollak
You may recognize this guy from any of several movies. He's been in a ton. But I know him as the guy who does a side splitting, perfect Christopher Walken impression. He also does an amazing William Shatner and Peter Faulk. Although he doesn't have a massive collection of celebrity impressions, the few he does are hilarious and flawless.

What to check out? Like I said ... Walken impression. He does a great bit in The Aristocrats, and YouTube him for more goodness. His radio show appearances made me laugh so hard I nearly threw up.

4. André-Philippe Gagnon
Canada's own impressionist/singer/entertainer extraordinaire. Growing up I always saw this guy on television, especially on reruns of Just For Laughs. His vocal range for imitating various singers, man or woman, is unmatched still. While his humour sometimes falls on the side of "corny", which is the biggest issue I have with most impressionist comics, he doesn't fail to entertain.

What to check out? He does a great human saxophone routine, and is probably best known for his one man rendition of "We are the World". It's impressive to say the least.

3. Jeff Dunham
Probably the most entertaining ventriloquist there is. When most people think of ventriloquists, they think of lame wads in checkered suits with hideous-as-sin dolls on their knee telling jokes so boring and dumb you want to cry, and then trying to sing and drink water at the same time. Well Jeff Dunham makes the whole routine look so easy, you really buy into the deranged characters he wheels out. Each character is unique, and his material feels classic and modern at the same time. Even when his jokes are lame, they are funny because it's such a committed performance. And you can't help but be impressed when he does a routine with 3-4 characters simultaneously.

What to check out? He's been doing comedy for nearly 20 years, but only recently has he gained more popularity with some TV specials. I recommend watching Spark of Insanity, if anything for the first appearance of Achmed, the dead terrorist. It's great stuff.

2. Frank Caliendo
This guy does so many different impressions, it defies reason. When performing, he'll jump around from voice to voice with ease and keep you in stitches. I remember watching him years ago when he was a part of the cast of MadTV, and that's pretty much where his career took off. His most recognizable impression has got to be John Madden, but he does so many others like Jay Leno, Dr. Phil, Robert De Niro, Robin Williams, Rod Roddy, Jack Nicholson, George W. Bush, Rick Moranis ... you name it, he does it.

What to check out? Anything you can find would be worth watching, but I'm most impressed with his routine imitating the cast of Seinfeld, and his awesome Al Pacino. "Liar, liar ... pants on FIRE!!!"

1. Pablo Francisco
An amazing impressionist, yet I wouldn't say he fits so neatly into that genre of stand up. He's like a comic who just happens to be able to combine his jokes with impressions, sound effects, and beat boxing to create a strange alter-reality of characters and situations. He does a huge variety of characters and celebrity voices in his energetic performances: Droopy Dog, Jackie Chan, Keanu Reeves, Chris Rock, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Gary Busey, Danny Glover, Jerry Springer, Dennis Hopper, Michael J. Fox. The list goes on and on.

Many impressionists can be boring for following a predictable pattern of delivery. "Here's an impression of Bill Clinton" (Does Clinton bit). "Okay, now here's Bob Hope" But Pablo Francisco integrates the voices into his stories and makes the whole thing more engaging. His material is erratic, but utterly hilarious. He can pull off spot on impressions, and before you know what hit you, he's on to something else. An incredible performer and vocal talent.

What to check out? His best bits usually involve doing the voice of the movie trailer guy (Don LaFontaine), and it's gut busting. If anything, watch his stand up special, Ouch! You won't be disappointed.

Best Stand-up Comedy Specials

5.
Vicious Circle (2006)- Dane Cook
Cook talks about relationships, breaking into a stranger's house, having a one night stand, going to the movies, and a ton of other hilarious stuff in his direct and quirky way.

4.
Skanks for the Memories (2003) - Dave Attell
This comedy album contains just about every single great bit from the mind of Dave Attell. It's dark comedy and random as hell, each joke starting tame and then exploding like an obscene firework. You're either going to be offended or keeling over with laughter.

3.
XXL Tour (2005) - Lee Evans
A show where Evans talks about ... well, everything. A two hour affair where Evans is a nonstop blur of physical comedy energy. I'm pretty sure he sweats the equivalent of his weight. Also, he wraps up the show with two musical numbers he wrote, revealing that this crazy bastard can also really sing.

2.
I Walked on the Moon (2004) - Brian Regan
If you don't know this guy, stop reading this and track down some of his work. Regan preforms amazingly constructed bits on everyday topics, where every sentence is quotable and each expression on his face is hilarious. The first time I watched this show I nearly suffered liver failure I was laughing so hard.

1.
Jammin' in New York (1992) - George Carlin
Yeah, I really couldn't get around giving Carlin the top spot. He talks about war, airlines, his solution for homelessness, and the state of the planet. The material is hilarious and thought-provoking - it's a comedy legend at his best.